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[senseloss]

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Cw death, substance abuse

[push_that_pesticide]

[ That... was a doozy. Bugsy stopped eating entirely, setting the bowl aside, and took a deep breath to gather his thoughts. ]

It's never been safe to care about people. Anyone. Shit- you know how many punks I used to know that would just turn up dead one day? Froze to death, or overdosed. Murdered, 'cus nobody gives a fuck about the street rats, and one more of us gone is just one less fucker panhandling in public.

[ He adjusted himself to pet Coda more carefully, smoothing his fingers lightly over their cheek and glowing freckles. He felt cold, and the buzzing only got louder. ]

But the reason we get told to prepare our goodbyes is so we can care about people. We could lose anyone at any point, we love 'em anyway. That's just Winter. Even if everyone we loved had full and happy lives, they'd die one day, and then so will we. You just... have to enjoy what you have while it's still here. The connections you have, having a full stomach and a warm bed. None of it stays. All of it is worth caring about, even if we don't show that side to the world.

[senseloss]

You sound like Orpheus.

[Grumpy as that comes out, it is a compliment, and a pause so Coda can digest that thought.]

I never told Artemis, you know. Not really all of how...you know. I'm not good at telling people. I wonder if he went back and thought...or if he'd think of me at all.

[push_that_pesticide]

Been compared to worse people than some happy sunshine fucker who starts soup kitchens unprompted.

[ Really, he'd take that compliment. Bugsy leaned down to kiss Coda gently on the head, letting them sit quietly for a bit. Bugsy shrugged at their eventual question, stating- ]

Flowers while they're here, buddy. 'S all you can do. Make sure they know how you feel while they're around. But... it'd be hard not to think about you, after getting to know you.

[ Bugsy was, of course, the best at taking his own advice. ]

[senseloss]

[There's a moment when Coda's instinct to put themself down is visible in their eyes, but it doesn't make it to being voiced. Instead, they lightly grab the front of Bugsy's shirt and give a gentle tug.]

[push_that_pesticide]

[ Bugsy leaned down to follow the tug, big red eyes curious and concerned. ]

What's up, buddy?

[senseloss]

[Coda lifts their head, lips brushing Bugsy's cheek before letting go of the shirt. It's so gentle, so soft. But...very deliberate. And after letting go, Coda's flickering eyes linger on the Beast, drinking in his reaction.]

[push_that_pesticide]

[ There was a surprised buzzing noise, and the back of Bugsy's shirt jostled from his wings flapping. His hand went to his cheek automatically, and as much as Coda was watching him, he was also watching them, maybe a little puzzled.
They were so ethereal, and lovely, and what was he? A human fly, altogether too bodily and flawed and fleshy. But he laughed a little, weakly. Here he was, breaker of hearts, stilled by one kiss to his cheek. His voice wavered as he asked- ]

Really? You're sure?

[senseloss]

'Make sure they know how you feel while they're around.' That's what you said, right?

[Their voice is a whisper, low and staticky and unstable.]

[push_that_pesticide]

Something like that. 'S funny how much smarter it sounds coming from your mouth.

[ Bugsy reached down carefully to take Coda's hand and place it on his cheek. His skin was firm and carapace-like, with bristly hairs from his scraggly beard and fly-like darker hairs. And then he closed his eyes, exhaling, putting his trust in them for whatever came next. ]

[senseloss]

[They lightly smooth down both types of hair, and let out a breath, somewhere between a sigh and a snort and a chuckle.]

Is this going to make things weird?

[push_that_pesticide]

Shit is already so fucking weird.

[ Bugsy's wings buzzed again at the feel of Coda's hand smoothing down his hairs. ]

I'm... involved with Gil already, but he's chill with me being involved with other people too. And I- I have needs, but 'm not expecting you to be the one that meets 'em. Y'know?

[senseloss]

I feel like you're talking in all sorts of euphemisms. 'Involved', 'needs'.

...I don't know what I'm doing, Bugsy. Any of this. I'm sorry.

[But it's on the heels of their apology that they lift their face to meet his, their lips grazing his. Maybe, just maybe, they're apologizing for not knowing how to kiss?]

[push_that_pesticide]

I just don't like labels-

[ He started, panic rising in his chest until Coda leaned up and kissed him, properly this time. He shuddered into the touch as that little burst of adrenaline dropped, leaning back to kiss firmer. No teeth, not yet, but he planted a hand next to their shoulder to support himself. When they parted, he stated- ]

It's okay. You can figure it out. We can figure it out. Just be here to work it out with me, alright?

[senseloss]

You may not like labels. But there's things I need to be explicit about. Because it'll make me feel better. Like...the fact that this isn't a rebound, that I've thought about doing this, even before. So you know.

And the fact that you're important to me, even if this doesn't...even if I mess up somehow.

[push_that_pesticide]

Would've been fine even if I was just a rebound,

[ No hint of bitterness there. Bugsy sat himself back up properly, just to take a breath for a moment. ]

I doubt you're gonna fuck it up, though. I really like having you around. 'N if you're cool with me seeing Gil to get my physical needs met, then everything should be gravy.

[senseloss]

Of course, I'm okay with you seeing Gil.

[Coda lounges back out across the bed, propping their head up with a hand.]

The...territorial aspect of relationships is definitely a piece of why I've always been gunshy about them. This ideal that seems to exist that a person becomes a centerpiece of your life and you theirs and you exist as a unit, that's sort of horrifying to me.

[push_that_pesticide]

You can say that again.


[ Bugsy fiddled a loose thread on his vest, uncomfortably quiet for a second. ]

I don't know if I ever told you about Skunk, but that was what the relationship was, for a decent part of it. We just became Bugsyandskunk. Joined at the hip. I like being a free agent, now, like I'm not defined by who I'm fucking. 'm just Bugsy.

[senseloss]

Question: how does this relate to the idea of us as a family unit? Does that feel restrictive to you at all?

[Better to know and figure out how to compensate for that now.]

[push_that_pesticide]

[ He... honestly hadn't been thinking of them in that way, and tensed up at the idea of it. But it wasn't like that's not what they were doing. They were probably closer than the inhabitants of the share houses he'd cohabited with before- they cooked and ate together, they hung out, he was somehow involved with both Coda and Gil.

They kinda were a family, huh?

Bugsy smoothed his 'hawk down and tried to stay cool as he answered- ]

Guess not. It's just... what we're doing here, I guess.

[senseloss]

Shouldn't have pointed that out to you, huh? Now you're going to be thinking about it. Getting weird in your head about it.

[Coda levers to a proper sitting up position, no longer in direct contact with him.]

[push_that_pesticide]

It's not like we're not doing that. 's not like I'm gonna stop doing what I'm doing either- I like what we've got here. I like movie nights and cuddling and feeding you fuckers.

[ Time for Bugsy to recline now, leaning his head against Coda's thigh. ]

It is what it is. And I'm as happy with this as I can be.

[senseloss]

[Coda takes this moment to be bold. Their hand slips gently under his jacket, to rest over where the heart would be on a human, seeing if they can feel his heartbeat. The other hand touches his cheek again.]

I am, too.

[push_that_pesticide]

[ It was faint, through the firm chitin of his skin, but they could feel it. Feel it race as their hand slipped under his jacket, still hammering as he put his hands atop theirs. One on his chest, one against his cheek. ]

C'mere. Kiss me,

[ He rasped, eyes wide and longing at them. ]

[senseloss]

[And they do. Firmer than their previous attempts, though still uncertain. No, not uncertain, just...unpracticed. They know they want, in this moment, to be here, with him, in this bed, tucked up against him.

And they adjust so they're lying next to him, instead of sort of under him. Comfortable, their cheeks glowing warmly.]

[push_that_pesticide]

[ There was only so much Bugsy could do to demonstrate how he wanted them- but specifics like that could wait for some other night. Right here and now, he just wanted them as they were, with what they were comfortable with. He curled up into them more firmly, his thumb idly tracing across their cheek. ]

'm lucky. Between you 'n Gil, I'm a very happy bedbug. I think I could get used to this.